A venture into my other passion

I'm reluctant to post this one.

Update: After writing for hours, I've realized this is a long ass post.

I want to archive some memorable situations I've had in recent years that have driven me to explore possibilities in a field I never saw myself in. As a kid I remember my mom saying that I'd be a doctor one day. At some point I wanted to be a foot doctor, more eloquently known as a podiatrist. That was short lived, as many things are during childhood. Long story short, with this at least, is I always had in my mind this idea of being a doctor of some sort. I also thought I'd be a professional baseball player, at least for a while, maybe until age 12 or 13. At some stage it dawns on you that making it to the big leagues™ is not part of your future. To be fair, I do have a good amount of experience in the world of football, having been a coach, ref, and now scout/analyst. This isn't going to be about that, though. I'm going to describe a bit of a side of me I've hidden. I've told one of my best friends about it, and an ex-girlfriend, and that's it. Well, at least in terms of people I stay in contact with. So, to just dive right in, from a young age, I've had a fascination with pregnancy. I'll go into detail, but for whatever reason, especially since I was 21, pregnancy and birth have followed me. Like, I can literally say that I've had conversations with HUNDREDS, if not 1000 pregnant women, since let's say 2015. That right there is ridiculous, and I'm by no means exaggerating.

The origin: I'll try to keep this part brief, because it's probably what I have the faintest memory of, as I was youngest when it happened. One of my best friends as a kid, who may well have become by best friend because of proximity (which is another discussion altogether), is the oldest of three boys. He and I were born less than a week apart, in completely different parts of the country, but ended up living in the same neighborhood. When we were 6 or 7 his mom was heavily pregnant with the youngest boy, and I was around her a decent amount. Something about that, I think, had something to do with my love for pregnancy and (eventually) birth.

The realization: 6 or 7 years later I'm in middle school. Girls are growing tits, boys are full of testosterone. The good old days (that's sarcasm). Anyways, in 8th grade, I had the fortune of being in classes (for the first time ever, I think) where in each semester the teacher was swelling up with child and would eventually go on maternity leave. If you know what boys that age are like, they tend to have sexual energy for days. Also, there's an element of it being new to them, and most sure as hell aren't having intercourse... Let's just say there were at least ten girls/women in the "fantasy" section of my brain at any given time. At the point of being, say 8 months along, both of my teachers that year were firmly at the top of the queue. That, you could say, looking back at least, is when I fully realized there was something in my wiring that drew me to this space.

The awakening: Looking back, I'm relatively happy that I suppressed these desires for a long while, probably at least 6 years. At some point, I believe I was 20, something drew me back into the pregnancy sphere. I can't pinpoint what it was, and I've been trying to figure it out. It may have been that I had too much time on my hands, and found unearthed parts of the internet. All I know is at that point I discovered all kinds of pregnancy and birth content online, and it carried over into real life. By that I mean I'd find myself staring longingly at pregnant women out in public, and eventually that escalated. Nothing crazy, just chatting. In 2016 I specifically remember going to Canada for the first time, was the first time I properly felt a baby bump. It was at a Blue Jays game. Sporting events, especially in the day time, are surprisingly full of pregnant spectators. I actually went to two games that week, one during the day and one at night. The first was by far more fruitful. I think I talked to five heavily pregnant women and rubbed two or three bellies. On the way back (we'd driven), we went to this casino in Niagara Falls and there was this very attractive Asian woman sporting a 9-month pregnant belly. We chatted a bit and I asked if I could rub her belly, for luck, or some crap like that. She laughed and said sure. That was the most exciting part of that casino. Another memorable time was at an outdoor mall, in either South Carolina or Florida, either 1 or 2 years before the Toronto trip. The only thing that stood out was this short woman who had a massive belly. Turns out she was having at least twins, though I didn't ask. It was exhilarating simply being in her presence. Since then, things have only developed further, though a few examples have actually yielded proper memories that'll last a lifetime.

A few examples: as i said in the opening, I've had more experiences, by some margin I reckon, than 99% of people will have in their entire life. One happened today, which led me to write this (I have at least 20 pages written in my diary or whatever about my experiences, because some are funny or memorable and I felt the need to archive them). Two others stand out, as they were fucking epic, but the one today was definitely up there. These range from summer of 2017 (July IIRC), to summer 2018, to present day, late August of 2020 (aka 2012). The first one has context ranging back to 2015, and I'd say the second has context from two years prior as well, but I won't get too deep into that.

1. I'll link these two because they're similar situations, albeit the second ended in a much better way for me. The first was in 2015 when I was 21. I was on the downtown mall here in C'Ville and there was this black woman in a tank top and those "too short" shorts where the ass kinda hangs out. Not that I was complaining, like. What drew me to her was that she was 9 months pregnant. Straight up, that's what it was. Like my middle school teachers, she wasn't particularly cute, but to me, most women look better pregnant than not. It's just how my attraction radar works. Of course, I enjoy sex with non-pregnant women. Even when it actually comes down to the business, the shall we say logistics are easier when her uterus isn't hanging out in front of her. Still, it's hotter to me when a women is "ready to pop" as they say, and nothing will change that. Anyways, I approached, we got to talking, her husband or whatever was "cheating on her", and yeah, we went to my car. I don't want to dwell on this, so I'll conclude by saying I took her to a Chinese place, she ate, I didn't, there was a bug in her food, I didn't have much cash but ended up paying for the meal, and that's it. Pretty lame. Not saying I'm "entitled" to sex, or whatever, but that was the last time I got rinsed like that. The next part is happier. Two years pass, and I'm technically dating a girl, though it was long distance at the time. It's a week day, hot, and I'm driving down past where Fuel Co. used to be, when I see this heavily pregnant black girl in a sundress. Turns out her man had abandoned her and her car was out of commission. She was walking around, looking for diapers for her daughter, who was being watched by her mom. For some dumb reason I didn't mention that my car was around the corner, so we walked like a mile back to the apartment. Long story, short, we hooked up later that week, before I left for vacation. She was 37 weeks or so at the time. I got back, we hung out some more, and eventually she went into labor. I was fortunate enough to accompany her in the delivery room (her mom stayed and watched her daughter). I supported her while she went through that grueling process of labor and after not that long, her son was born. I later learned that labor can take more than a day, but she was efficient and it was less than 12 hours. I eventually left, and she was discharged two days later. We kept contact for a while, but she got back with the "baby daddy", which I think was the best thing for everyone involved. (Just as a formatting note, I have no idea why this bullet point is indented while the others aren't).

2. Point one relates directly to this one. I may have told variations of each story to certain people over time, but here's what actually happened. The first, to sound more badass, I think, was exaggerated the one time I told it. This was 2016, summer time as well. Like I said in the last part, I was dating a girl at the time, and I'd gone to visit her on a Saturday. As the sunlight was starting to draw short, I contemplated going to one of two baseball games that day. One was in Norfolk, further from home, but a higher level, and the other was in Richmond, closer to home, but a park I'd been to plenty in the past. I took the latter, as I didn't want a 3+ hour drive home at 11 PM. Turns out I saw neither game, as I punched in the wrong address in my GPS. I have no idea to this day where I ended up, but it was certainly not a baseball park. It took 30 minutes to get there once I figured out the right address, and the game had already started, so I decided not to buy a ticket. That was like 7:30, and when from there I decided to go to the Short Pump area. I walked around the town center, checked out Target, and around 8:30 went to Walmart. Some of the details get foggy with this one, as it was the first actual birth situation I'd seen IRL and my adrenaline was high. I have no idea about time in this one, either, in terms of how long things took. I'm in this Walmart, walking relatively without purpose, other than to maybe by a drink or some kind of snack. Actually, I may be misremembering this, but I think I got Sonic since I hadn't eaten. Who knows, that could've been a completely different time, lol. Anyways, I'm walking around, and eventually I spot something interesting. There's a pregnant woman pushing a cart, which is quite normal, but she's bending over every little while. Now, this was before I got into birth, but I knew of contractions, as least the general concept. It was just her and her son, and I think at one point she was checking her blood pressure. Long story short, I kinda wait around until she's ready to leave, buy whatever little item I'd chosen, and walk out as she's walking out. Looking back, I have no idea why I didn't just start talking to her in the store. Either way, I say something to her as we're going through the exit, and we start talking. I was driving my mom's Honda (RIP, as it was totaled in March) and Sue (that's the lady's name) was in an SUV. I remember looking up some information about the birth process and asked her how often she was having contractions. We timed them at that point and it became clear that she was in range for it to be real labor. The funny part, or erotic, depending on how you look at it, was when one of us was going to check her cervix. I deferred to her, as I had no clue what that even meant at the time. It was definitely something to watch her stick her fingers up there like that, lol. Knowing what I know now, her labor that time went quickly, because she was at a 5 already. Again, I'm not sure why she was at Walmart, but that's not really my business. She called her husband to come to the store with her hospital stuff, and I chilled there until he arrived, which didn't take long. That was a unique experience, to say the least. The reason I wrote all that is I had a similar situation happen, once again two years later. You could say the first time being wide eyed was enough of a lesson to educate myself so that next time I'd be prepared. Next time in this case was 2018. I was down south in the summer, and I met this homeless woman pretty much at random, and of course she was very pregnant. That's a theme in all these experiences. It probably doesn't matter at this point, but I'm not going to include the exact location because it wasn't quite "ethical" or whatever to do what I did, and it wasn't my own property where it happened. Anyways, with that out of the way, I'll get back to the story. So I meet this girl, as I said, and she's very pregnant. She's also homeless and on drugs, another theme that's come up in various experiences I've had in recent years. The point here is unlike other times, well, not quite, seeing as I was there to support the girl back home when she had her baby, but at least she had custody of her kid and her mom was putting a roof over her head. This woman, though, was completely alone, and given the fact that she was going to go into labor at some point, I felt obligated to help her. I told her I couldn't house her, but I'd facilitate the labor when it was imminent. We found a local park with plenty of space (and privacy), and when it came time that's where we reconvened. The birth itself went surprisingly well. It was her third vaginal delivery, so the whole thing lasted maybe 15 hours. I had to leave twice to go check in, as I wasn't home and didn't want anyone freaking out with me leaving for long periods. The awesome thing with that one was I was able to actually assist her, having learned some tricks of the trade. Things like focusing on breathing, changing position, thinking positively. They all make a difference. The mind is remarkably powerful, and we're trained not to use it properly. My favorite memory of that was seeing her handle the different stages, and catching the baby. She'd gotten to "transition" as it's called, meaning 10 cm dilated and time for baby to come out, and she was on hands and knees in the grass as standing had become tiring. I did check the cervix this time, and I felt the baby's head up there, so yeah. By the way, we're also trained to not connect with the earth, which is something I've embraced this year. It didn't take long for the head to descend, and she was onto pushing. I was in awe as she did her thing. In that position it's helpful for someone to squeeze the hips, as it helps ease the tension. From there it was textbook, other than a slight issue with the shoulder getting stuck. Again, before I'd be shitting it, no idea what to do, but having watched numerous birth videos and spent hours doing research and listening to podcasts I pretty much knew what to do. I got her to change position, going onto her back, so that the shoulders would have room to rotate. That trick is thanks to a video or two I saw on YouTube, and it worked out.

I want to quickly take a step back and give my thoughts on birth right quick. My opinion is that the woman is the one delivering the baby (or babies) so she should be in the best position to do that. There are obstacles that pop up, like I recently spoke at length with a lady (think it was late March) who wanted to do a home birth but her first kid had a heart issue that needed to be dealt with immediately by a pro, which can only really happen in a hospital. A lot of it has to do with ignorance and the fact that many people are not in a position to properly raise a child, and there are many factors involved. For instance, with the woman in the story I'm telling, she was complete mess, and her other kid was being watched by the father's parents. That's a situation I've seen too often, and some people should not be allowed to have kids. Yes, I said that. At the same time, talking about birth in particular, I think there's a chicken and egg situation currently. The woman I was talking to earlier brought this up, and I have my own take to add. So there's a narrative out there in the birth community that black women aren't treated properly in hospitals. The first point here is that, on average, blacks are poorer than whites and more likely single parent homes, which is a perpetual cycle. Going off that, the birth movement is driven by wealthy white women because they're in a position to worry about stuff like that. I'm speaking facts only. And then you've gotta think, how does this "systemic" birth issue solve itself? If the people in question don't know any better than to be treated like shit in the hospital, how do they make their voices heard? Likewise, for the hospital staff, how do you go about fixing something that's implicit? I dunno. And this isn't even taking into account that various countries in Central and South America, as well as most of Africa and parts of Asia are even worse in terms of birth (and overall life). I honestly think people in general need to focus on themselves and doing everything in their power to make life awesome, rather than relying on external forces and systems. No better time to do that than now, by the way. I mean, think about rural areas with no hospitals in sight. Do you really think thousands of women are just not having babies because there's not a hospital or a professional on hand? Absolutely not. The final thought here is that people love to complain, but don't bring forth solutions. My solutions for individuals not deemed "high risk" or whatever is to not give birth in the hospital. Do it at home or go with people that care about you. Not exactly rocket science.

3. Freshest in my mind, so I'll start with this. I literally just wrote about it on my phone after it happened. For even more context, I exercise in a few places around my town. one is a trail, and one is kinda a trail that's near a school i went to. I went to the former and saw a least two pregnant women, which let me know i was gonna have an epic day. not that i won't have a great day if it doesn't start that way, but you know what i mean. The first was jogging, and she was 6.5 months. I talked to her for a few minutes on the trail. That wasn't memorable, really, but as i was driving out of the parking lot i looked over and spotted a nearly full term baby bump on this blonde woman who was pushing a stroller, so i decided to pull into a different spot to get a closer look. That's actually a skill that I've developed. I remember a few years back going to a baseball game with my buddies and scoping out a group of attractive young ladies from a good 100-200 feet away. that definitely carried over to pregnant women, and i'm sure that's led to me having hundreds of conversations over the past years, as i already stated. i can pretty much tell at this point how far along a woman is, and i'll compare the guess i made to my self with the actual gestation once I've talked to her. I can also tell, with ease most of the time, when a woman is having twins. that one's slightly more complex, but it's relevant to this story. anyways, there's a slight bit of context to this one as well, so i'll get it out of the way quickly. this was like two weeks ago. i'm at the same trail that i mentioned earlier, and as i'm walking i look across the and see this group standing on the other side. with the "skill" or "curse" of spotting things, it was clear within a couple seconds that there was a very pregnant woman in a bikini in the group across the way. Since I'm writing this, it's obvious I pursued it. When I got to the other side, my eyes hadn't failed me, and she was indeed 36 weeks pregnant. We talked a bit, and this is where the context is. It's not the most, shall we say, welcoming conversation starter to say "hey, I saw you and loved the way your baby bump looked, I'd love to feel it." That's what's going on in the mind, but you gotta work up to that. The point is, in the numerous conversations I've had with expectant mothers, I've said all kinds of shit. Basically, that time, I made the mistake of saying that I'm an OB. As I said, especially now with the way people are acting, it's often helpful to have a reason to talk to someone, pregnant or not. In essence, she started asking a bunch of questions, with actually never happens, and I wasn't in the proper mindset to adequately answer them. I got a bit flustered and things didn't go well. The annoying thing is I've seen her other places as well, and it triggers me thinking about how I should've just explained the truth rather than trying to portray something I'm not. Anyways, this brings me to today. Going back 6 weeks or so, I'd met this mama (of soon to be 4) and her kids at this complex near where I run and sun-gaze. She used to live there, so they were going to the little beach area. We actually chatted for a long while; I mentioned one of my birth experiences and that one of my friends is a midwife. She reminded me of my friend's mom in that she was white, her husband was black, thus their kids were mixed. Anyways, the reason I mentioned this is the first time I ran on that trail I saw a different woman who was heavily pregnant walking her dog. Those two situations kept me going back there, lol. Fast forward to 4 (or so) weeks ago, and guess what, I see another pregnant woman. This time she's in a bikini at the pool with her husband and kids. Mind you, I don't live there, so I admired for a minute and tried to wait around to see if I'd have a chance to talk to her. It didn't happen, but the other day I saw her again. Now, as I said, I can tell when a woman's having more than one, and it was clear as day with her, especially given how much the babies had grown in those weeks since I first saw her. It was the same crew, but this time they left when I was around. I talked to her for literally a minute as her husband was loading the kids into their vehicle... Who knows why it happened, but after seeing the two expectant mamas this morning, I saw this same woman in the pool as I was heading to my sun-gazing spot. At this point I had a decision to make. There was another lady there when I arrived, but after like 5 minutes she left, so I made the leap of faith (lol) to hop the fence and sit down at the pool like I was a resident. She was on the phone (for work) for over 40 minutes. A total of 5 other people showed up, but they were minding their business. After she was done, she got up, when was my cue to get up. I said hi and went from there. The reason I write this is I was straight up with her, and it was one of the best experiences I've had. I told her about my teachers in 8th grade, the first chick that rinsed me for a free meal, the short fling I had in 2017 (may have said 2018 in my haze as I was rubbing her belly), and the unforgettable birth I oversaw in 2018. Didn't even get to the Walmart incident, which was epic in itself. I also didn't mention the woman at the complex who'd reminded me of my old friend, but hey. The coolest part is probably that she was so supportive. Other women would've been judgmental or disgusted at what I'd said, but she was like hey, you should properly get into the field.

I've thought long and hard about what I'd be more fulfilled doing; helping deliver babies or working in football. With the way society is going, I can't help but think the latter is more impactful (don't know why that's not a word, but I'm using it here). Part of that is how corrupt modern football is, and that's at least one article that I'll tackle at some point. I don't even necessarily want to be catching babies like that. Shit is stressful. You don't have normal hours. It does pay well, but there's obviously risk involved, plus you've gotta get hella licenses which takes YEARS. I also don't like the idea of only having the occasional, and I mean OCCASIONAL, birth, because I want that thrill at least a few times a year, if not once or more per month. Ideally, I'd go to a less developed country and open a birth center. That's one of my goals that was established after my experience in 2018. I saw that situation and thought, wow, I'm sure so many people in poor countries have this type of life, or worse. I can use my passion for this field and help people. I mentioned the podcasts and the vast birth community, and I'm convinced that certain people are wired like me, however it comes out. For instance, that first woman I met in 2015 has birthed 5 more babies since I first met her. I even talked to her during two of the other pregnancies, and witnessed her in the middle of labor in 2019. Real talk, things like that cannot be random. I've seen the same woman over like 5 years, during 3 of her 5 pregnacies in that period (which is insane, now that I write it like that), and the last time I saw her she was waddling around at 6 cm dilated. It just doesn't work like that in this universe. Even being in this town. There's a high ass birth rate here, probably because grad students come here and make babies, and stick around for work, and it's viewed as "safe". Plus, there are "townies" and they also pop out their fair share of children.